My “Aha” Moment

sunday / the most beautiful yellow tulips from my in-laws

These past few weeks have sort of had a theme for me – time and reflection. For months now, I have found myself struggling to make peace with the feeling of being busy. And as I had touched on a few weeks ago, yes, I get it. Being busy is basically synonymous with being an adult. But for me, I have been working to re-frame mentally, and to find a new perspective on this season in life. And so time and reflection have been my happy comforts this week.

I’ve decided that it is not only in my best interests to embrace the busy, but to truly make peace with it and find the joy in it. As my sudo mentor Nash had so wisely shared with me so many times, “. . .don’t fight the current of life. . .don’t fight upstream when life brings you changes.  Just keep moving with the flow of life.  Keep moving with life’s transitions.  That is the key to a happy life.” And although I know that I had misplaced her wise words for the past few months or so, I am so grateful to have found them again.

And so as I walked through Balboa Park to get some steps in (because yes, apparently that is also something that you do as an adult), I found myself feeling a bit overwhelmed. I thought that I was making the most of my time, but there I was – making phone calls, listening to some audio Italian study guides, brainstorming writing ideas, considering doing a walking mediation, and trying to sneak in some arm and neck stretches. As I thought about my to-do list that was waiting for me at home, I felt the anxiety start to rise up. And that was the moment. That was the moment that I realized that I just needed to let it all go. Life is busy, and I needed to stop fighting it and just be. So I took a few deep breaths, I laughed out loud at myself, and I put on some music and embraced the moment.

I surrendered myself, and that is exactly what I will continue to do. Surrendering to the here and now. Surrendering to the feeling that sometimes there are busier days. Because by surrendering, I am able to see so much more of the beauty in life, and I will not be spending one more moment thinking or talking about anything busy. I will just be living.

My decision to surrender to this beautiful and blessed life has brought me a lot of joy this week. Unplanned joy in fact. It has given me the extra push of energy to make homemade gnocchi instead of ordering takeout, to make the time for an extra meditation, to not put some things off, and yes, to also carve out the time to do absolutely nothing.

Some weeks my highlights are very singular moments. But this week it was all about the collective. The entirety of what I had been working towards. The time and reflection that brought me a new perspective, even more joy, and my “aha” moment.